Archive for September, 2010

Marriage: Is it rocket science?

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

It is in my house.

My husband Michael is an honest-to-dog rocket scientist. Or in today’s parlance, an aerospace engineer. As if that isn’t hair raising enough for any self-respecting left brained, emotionally-driven red-headed Irish-Italian, he comes from a family of five boys. You read that right. Five.

And. Every. Freaking. One. Of. Them. Is. An. Engineer. (It makes me think of the Stepford Wives, only this time the wives suck out their husbands brains and start reproducing.) What’s it like being a girl’s girl married to a guy that hails from a cozy nest of five testosterone-laden, left-brained, highly critical  (if they aren’t, bridges fall down) boys?  Hilarious. And hell. Picture this:

I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. All those pregnancy hormones were working their magic as I floated about life in a pink mist of contented domestic bliss. I was in the kitchen baking muffins. (Dead serious.)  Twenty bucks says I was barefoot. Hubby was out in the driveway dressed in car-guy garb tinkering about on his Saab. (All engineers drive Saabs. It’s in the rule book.)  My life had become a cliché. I was inside, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and he was outside doing manly things.

The front door opened and his Lord High Worshipfulness of the Screwdriver appeared. “Joanne,” he began. “I need some help with the car. Gotta minute?” Suffering from temporary pregnancy-induced insanity, I remember thinking as I waddled out to the driveway, “Isn’t this lovely? We got a real partnership going here.” I envisioned him under the car doing his under-the-car stuff as I patiently stood by like a surgical assistant, handing him tools.  He turned to me and uttered these fateful words, “I need some weight on the front of the car. Would you mind sitting on the hood?”

When he came home from the hospital, he intelligently began the process of learning women are a different species than men.  That was 15 years ago. Oddly enough, we’re still married. Having a daughter has helped immeasurably in his “all-things female” education. I can only thank God that I was his practice run before Kate became a young teenager.

We still struggle with his frequent bouts of engineeritis. I understand now that it’s a permanent condition that goes into periodic remission. Also turns out that I’M the one who had to learn that to stay married, acceptance is far easier than attempting to change someone’s DNA. Took me almost 15 years to figure out that I had the power to decide to be happy, even in this cock-eyed marriage. It was quite liberating and far less exhausting. And just in time. Kate’s coming into to her challenging teen years and all that this entails. I’m entering menopause with hormonal swings that rival a wrecking ball.

I’m not proud to admit this, but it does feels a bit like payback. Hehehehehe…..

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My Inaugural Blog

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

As a writer and professional mouthpiece, I shake my head in wonderment that it has taken me forfreakingever to join the blogosphere. It’s absurd really. I’ve written four books and I’ve finally clued in that writing doesn’t need to involve taking two years off from life, plummeting your personal and financial life into an abyss. I can take 5 minutes, spontaneously combust then get back to work. Or yelling.

I have mega grist for the blog mill.   Take each of the following points into consideration, and one should quickly surmise that I should be the queen, president and dictator of all things opinion-related:

  • Red-headed Irish-Italian
  • Middle-aged
  • Mother
  • Of a teenager
  • A girl teenager
  • A smart girl teenager
  • Married 15 years
  • To an engineer
  • A freaking alien aerospace engineer
  • A man who raises his right eyebrow when he’s deliriously excited.
  • Demon Dog owner
  • So named for her utter disregard to table manners (infiltrating my neighbour’s house and eating a cooling pie off her counter) and Canada’s Food Guide (eats dead things.)
  • Daughter of a mother who, along with her 15-year old granddaughter,  paints her husband’s toenails rainbow colours while he sleeps on the couch.
  • F.E.M.I.N.I.S.T.
  • Spontaneously combusts at just about everything: bad advertising, teen aged-antics, marriage, world events, babies, stupid people, smart people…

Frankly, I could bullet point my life to death.  So, I am thrilled to have finally created a space for my rants, ravings, perceptions, opinions and world views, none which are polite. Welcome to my world. Hope it brings a *snort*.

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